Binary, reductive, irrational, rigid, dogmatic, intransigent, combative, destructive, dysfunctional, aggressive, childish, dismissive.

Doing my utmost to remain non-judgmental, these are all terms that I would use to describe the nature of the Brexit negotiations of the past couple of years – terms which also reflect the behaviours that I observe when I am working with workplace conflict as a mediator and as a conflict management consultant.

The deadlock and impasse of Brexit could and should have been resolved by now. For the moment, the attention has shifted to the contest for leadership of the Conservative Party. But with the October 31st Brexit deadline looming, once the successful candidate is in place, the negotiations will no doubt start again in earnest. The negotiations are multi layered, multi-lateral and bloody complicated. The negotiations between now and the end of October (and beyond Brexit day itself) require a radical new approach to negotiation from our pollical masters. Bluff, bluster and bloody-mindedness won’t cut it and will ultimately lead to failure.

Dialogue, empathy, collaboration and compassion could have helped our political leaders to secure a resolution to the Brexit deadlock, much sooner and without the same level of anguish, concern and confusion. Moreover, a skilled facilitator could have offered guidance and assistance to break the deadlock and to maintain a level of momentum and purpose. Theresa May’s red lines could have been turned pink if she had been open to exploring potential alternatives with the assistance of a skilled third party. Instead she became hemmed in by her increasingly dogmatic approach and by the political factions at either end of her party.

I see the deadlock caused by unresolved conflict every day and I see the disbelief on people’s faces when I suggest that the parties should get into a room and talk and listen to each other. ‘But that won’t work’ they exclaim, ‘it’s too late’, ‘it’s too serious’, ‘it’s too complex’. I smile ruefully because I know (as do they deep down) that talking and listening, aka dialogue, is the only way to resolve a complex problem like Brexit, or an office spat, or a community dispute, or a marital breakdown or a board room battle for that matter.

Drawing on my 25 years’ experience as a mediator, there are three strategies I would urge our political leaders to use today:

1. Give the other side a jolly good listening to: Take the time to really hear what the other side is saying. There are strongly held views on all sides but there are no absolute rights or wrongs. Listen for meaning and listen to understand. Stop listening to defend your position. This ability to listen and to engage will create new insights and new understandings. Articulate yourself clearly and avoid blame and attack. Encourage others to engage positively and with an open mind.
2. Get off your moral high ground and walk in the other side’s shoes: try to imagine why other people hold the views that they do and put yourself in their shoes. Reject the dogma of right/wrong, defend/attack, leave/remain and win/lose. Empathy is a great gift that is often reciprocated fully and generously. Our politicians need to demonstrate self-awareness and recognise that they are setting the tone for how our country and future generations will resolve problems in the months and years ahead.
3. Don’t just stand there – go and find the common ground Seek out areas for mutual gain, reach out to those that you disagree with to identify common ground and consensus. Look for the win/win outcome and use the deadlock as a chance to identify and test innovative solutions. Being conflict competent requires courage and it also requires compassion. Courage and compassion are the signs of a great leader – we need our politicians to be great leaders right now.
4. Don’t just stand there – go and find the common ground Seek out areas for mutual gain, reach out to those that you disagree with to identify common ground and consensus. Look for the win/win outcome and use the deadlock as a chance to identify and test innovative solutions. Being conflict competent requires courage and it also requires compassion. Courage and compassion are the signs of a great leader – we need our politicians to be great leaders right now.

I’d like to think that Boris Johnson or Jeremy Hunt are reading my article right now and will implement the three steps as a matter of urgency. Who knows? However, for anyone else out there who is struggling to find a solution to an intractable conflict, I hope that I have provided a useful blueprint for resolution.

David is author of MANAGING CONFLICT: a practical guide to resolution in the workplace. Available now from Amazon and Kogan Page.

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